I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
