and i looked up. we had an audience...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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