He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
