It's Friday. Sex?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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