i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
