My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my shit smells like andre
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
