im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize