the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
