guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
