Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Found the puke drawer
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
