Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
