First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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