Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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