I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You're like the curious george of whores
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
