"it" just moved
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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