"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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