so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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