This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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