Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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