Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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