I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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