If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
