I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
