i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize