Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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