I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
