Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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