Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im holly from the hills drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize