apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
