Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
