Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
