forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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