Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
