My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
