he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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