so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
