he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
