my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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