Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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