Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
