Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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