hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
