You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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