Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
