...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's never too late to be topless.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
