Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
