he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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