I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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