I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
