it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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