Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm too high and old for this...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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