just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
