Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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