my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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