I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
