My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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