I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
