My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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