Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
