Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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