Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
